what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
