I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This toilet bowl is my home.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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