Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
