Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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