he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
