my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
don't judge my taste in strippers
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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