When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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