My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let's get the cat blown out
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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