Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
