he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
