dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize