Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize