dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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