My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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