so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You almost got us killed.
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