roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
