the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
