If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
