Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize