I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
