I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
