a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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