You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No subtext here. People are naked.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
