he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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