ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
