forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
