420 ftw
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
