So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
