Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
