So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
