How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
