Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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