she was so not down for the gang bang
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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