Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
