ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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