This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
