i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
