I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
