I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
