I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
