we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
