maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
