I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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