Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
