If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
