So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you traded sex for a burrito?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
