matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
