If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
