Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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