There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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