I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
