I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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