the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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