So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
