I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
