Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
