just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
