Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
