i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
