i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
