On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
