In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
